(SINGIN' IN THE RAIN PLA YING ON RADIO)
(PLAYING UKULELE)
Tom, come on up here and pack this thing. Let's get going.
I'll be right up.
Hurry.
Okay, I'm gonna put some of these things in your bag. Can I?
Okay.
- Say, Helen? - Yeah?
I have everything packed but my sweater. May I put it in your bag?
You better leave it out. It's a long ride back.
- It gets cold around midnight. - All right.
Oh, we'll make New York by 10:30 if we get started on time.
- Three hearts. - Five spades.
- Pass. - Little slam in spades.
- Pass. - I hope you make it.
Your ex-husband says he divorced you because of overbidding.
Yeah? Well, you take it from me, my ex-husband's ex-wife divorced him
because he sang in his bathtub.
You ought to double six spades, Dr. Bernard.
Huh?
Come on, Dot. Get hot. Step on it.
Loosen up, Dot. Loosen up.
This is a foxtrot, not an Australian crawl.
Looseness is your specialty, not mine.
Oh?
No, no. Open your clubs. Open your clubs.
Hannah, will you attend to your dinner?
It's all ready, if Miss Jerry'd come back with the fish she promised me.
I'll leave you the spades.
Confound that daughter of mine, she and Ted have been gone ages.
Come on, Dot. Put more "uh" into it.
Good gracious, Don. You're dancing with me,
not giving me an osteopathic treatment.
Nothing personal, I assure you.
And if you would take your mind off Paul and concentrate more
on your own left leg, I think we'd do a lot better.
We make it.
Oh, Doctor, you should've played your queen instead of the ten-spot.
I'm sorry. I can't keep my mind on my cards.
- I'm worried about those two. - Now, let's see here.
- I wonder could anything be wrong. - Dinner's ready.
Oh, thank goodness, I'm starved.
Hey! Upstairs, there. Dinner!
Come on down and let's eat.
Will you please stop gazing at that man and come and have some food?
Blow the horn again.
(BLOWING HORN)
(DONKEY BRAYING)
That doesn't sound like Jerry.
Could be Ted.
Oh, now look here. You're taking this thing too seriously.
I'm sure Ted was spectacular in college,
but you don't go through life on a lot of touchdowns.
You wait a little while, she'll come to her senses.
I hope you're right, Doctor.
You better come now, Doctor, if you want to get anything.
All right. Come ahead, Paul. Let's have some dinner.
Oh!
My head's going round like a pin wheel.
My heart's beating like a steam engine. Feel.
(GIGGLING)
When did you first start having heart troubles?
From the first moment I met you.
Then why have you been holding out on me?
Well, you see, darling, I'm only a poor newspaper man
and we don't make much money.
But from now on, I'm keeping track of the overhead.
And when I've saved enough money, we're going to be married.
You sound as if you were proposing to my grandmother.
What am I going to be doing while you're saving the first million?
Waiting for me.
Waiting isn't my idea of the king of indoor sports.
I've no intention of waiting around for three or four years
while you harvest an additional crop of wild oats.
Now see here, darling, I'm not as bad as that.
No, but you're no Saint Anthony.
You're just human, so am I. That's why I don't want to wait.
Jerry, you certainly say it straight.
Sure. Isn't that the way we're going to be?
Straight from the shoulder, open, above board?
Oh, you're a great girl.
And you know, you've got a man's point of view.
That's why we're gonna make a go of it. Everything equal.
- You bet. - 75/25.
Hmm?
Shake.
When will you marry me? Tomorrow?
- Oh, gracious, no. - Next week?
- Oh, I couldn't. - What, next month?
Well, maybe.
Oh, the first, Jerry, huh? That's three whole, long weeks off.
Oh, please the first, huh? Say yes.
I won't let you go until you say yes.
Say yes, darling, say yes.
For the love of Mike, lady, say yes so I can get out of here.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
You're not eating a thing, Paul.
Buck up, there's nothing to worry about.
I'm not so sure. I wish you'd have a look for them.
Right-o, Doctor.
I know right where she fishes. It'll only take a minute.
- Well, for the love of Pete. - No, for the love of Ted.
Where have you been and why?
Remember anything you say will be used against you.
Answer yes or no.
I've already said yes.
Yes.
- Yes. - Well!
Hope you don't mind?
Would it make any difference whether I do or not?
No.
You rascal.
- I'm simply thrilled. Congratulations. - Thank you.
Hey, customers.
(ALL RESPONDING)
Boy and girl take big leap. Hear it and weep.
(ALL CONGRATULATING)
- Sorry, old man. - So am I.
- It may be possible that... - Oh, it's all right, let's forget it, Doctor.
Attaboy.
Well, aren't you gonna congratulate me, Don?
Ted's the one I'm congratulating. Lucky dog.
And to think that you brought us together.
My mistake.
Why, you're not suggesting that your slightly shopworn emotions
were ever centered on me, are you?
And why not? You're a fascinating wench, Jerry.
- Well, it's too late. - Never too late to yearn.
You'll never die yearning.
Here we are.
Great Scott, I thought you said a drink.
Oh, it'll do you good.
- A place for the future bride and groom. - That's awfully sweet of you.
Now, darling, I want you to eat something.
Here. You two have a pickle. It's good for those in love.
- Mary? - What?
You're not ever going to marry, are you?
- Is this a proposition? - No, no. No.
Why not?
Of course, you haven't a moral to your back,
but you're young and good-looking and rich.
Millions for defense but not one cent for alimony.
What a lot of heathen you are!
Oh, Dad, don't let them worry you.
Anyway, Ted and I are gonna be married and stay married, aren't we, darling?
Yes, we're going to stay married.
How unpatriotic.
A man should be willing to lay down more than one wife for his country.
You know what time it is? We must be on our way.
Got to pack that toothbrush.
Got to take this on the run.
I might stay here and finish this, darling.
TED: I want a great big helping of that.
Well, I'm a big engaged man, you know, I've got to eat.
- Paul, I thought... - Hello, Jerry.
- We were just drinking to your happiness. - Oh, thanks.
And I was binding up the wounds.
Never thought of myself, of course.
Wounds? Nonsense.
Why, Paul and I have always been friends.
We're gonna stay friends, aren't we?
I'm afraid so, Jerry. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Of course you do.
Hey, Romeo, are you packed?
Coming up to finish, Juliet.
I can't let you out of my sight a minute.
Oh, you sweet darling.
Soon you'll be wondering how to get rid of me.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
TED: Stop your fooling.
Ha, ha. You funny little man.
- Here, time. - ALL: Great!
(ALL APPLAUDING)
- Marvelous time, Doc. - Goodbye.
I had a marvelous time.
See you at the wedding.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- Doctor, we had a perfectly grand time. - I'm awfully glad.
Most marvelous party I ever attended.
- See you in town, Doctor. - Hey!
Excuse me. You coming with me, Dot?
- Try and get rid of me. - Yeah, well, come along.
PAUL: Come on, we gotta get going.
- MARY: Dorothy? - Yeah.
Listen, dear, do you think Paul ought to drive?
Oh, don't be such a crab. You'd think you were my mother instead of my sister.
Come on.
See you down the car.
- All right. - Come on, darling.
- There we are. - Now, Paul.
Hadn't you better let Hank drive?
Oh, say, I'm all right, Mary. I'm fit as a fiddle.
- Is it all right with you, Dot? - Anything you do is okay with me.
There you are. Come on, let's go.
- Everything all right, Paul? - Sure, get aboard, Hank.
- PAUL: Come on, put your bag in there. - All right. I'll do that.
HANNAH: Wait a minute, Doctor.
Did you remember to lock the cellar door?
- Paul. Paul, please be careful. - Who said careful? Let's go.
Paul, please be careful.
Paul, please drive slower.
Oh, you hear me! Will you stop? Please!
(SCREAMING)
(MARY SCREAMING)
My God. They've turned over!
Here, come on, boys. Get my case, there.
JERRY: Oh, Mary.
I'm all right. I'm all right.
Dorothy! Oh, Ted, let me see her. No, please let me see her.
Well, I want to see her. I've got to see her. Where is she?
Oh, God, please don't stop me. Don't!
Dorothy!
Oh, she's dead.
Father, she's not...
No, no. She's still alive. We must get her to the hospital quick.
No, she's not, she's dead. You're lying to me. Let me see her face.
(SCREAMS)
Mary. Mary, come up here. Don't look at her.
Oh, I never thought it'd be so horrible, Jerry.
- Just come away. Don't look at her. - Oh, I hope she dies.
- Jerry, I hope she dies. - You don't know what you're saying, Mary.
She was so pretty. I hope she dies.
You! You!
You dirty rotten beast! I told you not to drive.
I tell you, if you've killed my sister, you'll pay for this.
Mary, you don't know what you're saying.
Got drunk, just because Jerry turned you down.
You quitter. You rotten, rotten quitter. You hear me on this, you'll pay for this.
If you've wrecked my sister's life, I'll make you pay for this.
I'll make you pay for it. I'll make you pay for it.
Oh, that rotten beast!
(BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYING ON ORGAN)
- With this ring... - TED: With this ring...
...I thee wed. ...I thee wed.
- In the name of the Father... - In the name of the Father...
...and of the Son... ...and of the Son...
...and of the Holy Ghost. ...and of the Holy Ghost.
- Amen. - Amen.
God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost.
Bless, preserve and keep you.
The Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you
and fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace
that ye may so live together in this life
that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting.
Amen.
Well, it ain't my place to say it, Miss Jerry, but if I had a boss that was so hard-boiled
he wasn't satisfied with my working all day at the office
without slaving home at night,
I'd tell him to go to...
The place he's heading for, and moreover...
Thank you, Hannah.
Have you got Mr. Ted's bag packed?
Just going to. No offense is intended and I hope none will be took,
but if I had a husband that went to Chicago
on the third anniversary of his wedding,
leaving me behind, I wouldn't consider it natural.
But he has to go, Hannah. It's on business.
Well, I suppose so.
Oh, Miss Jerry, if you don't need me anymore,
I've got a date to go to the second show with the butcher.
Are his intentions honorable, Hannah?
(SIGHS)
I'm afraid they are. He just wants to keep a good customer.
(MAN WHISTLING)
- Hello, darling. - Hello, Ted.
- Many happy returns. - Same to you, darling.
I brought you something.
- Surprise. - Ted.
- Go ahead, open it. - Oh, you darling.
Just to remind you that you married me three years ago today.
Ted, you adorable, extravagant wretch, you.
- You must've robbed a bank. - No, it belonged to my mother.
- I had it reset for you. - Oh, it's lovely, darling.
- You like it? - Mmm.
It's to keep your wedding ring company.
You dear. It's lovely.
Will you think of me every time you look at it?
As though I didn't think of you every second
of every minute, of every hour, of every day.
You darling.
- Gee, that's slick. - You really like it, darling, huh?
I'm glad.
Did I ever happen to mention what a wonderful girl I think you are?
Well, not for a long time.
I'd like to make love to you till you scream for help.
Can't scream.
(SIGHS)
Three whole years and I love you more than ever.
That goes double, sweetheart.
And every anniversary is going to be just that much better.
Mmm.
How long are you going to be gone?
Well, not any longer than I can help, sweetheart.
But I'm afraid it'll spoil a week.
Oh.
I'll miss you like the mischief.
(HURD Y-GURD Y PLAYING)
Ah.
A New York nightingale.
No romance complete without one.
(HORN BLARING)
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
Come on, you're going upstairs.
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Where do I go, upstairs?
Yeah, up the stairs.
Thanks, you're too much. Oh, what a nice baby.
Sure, I go upstairs. Come on, baby.
(EX CLAIMS)
I'm gonna take you upstairs.
We'll make a nice time.
Ladies and gentlemen, make way for the wild and wicked wop.
Thrills the ladies for nothing at all. From the old country.
What a man! He eats them alive.
Hello, Jerry. How are you?
Don!
HANK: I love everybody.
I am the great big lover. You don't know what...
Oh, what a grand, beautiful baby.
Oh, hi!
All my life I look for such a beautiful bambina.
Hey, you bust up my big moment.
What's the matter you?
Come to me, I am the great, big, Italian lover.
Stop it, now I'm ticklish.
Come to my arms, kiddo. Come to my arms.
Say, I come all to pieces. What's a matter you?
- Well, you can quit right now. - Is that so?
HELEN: When he was a child...
Oh, my dear, I'm so sorry. I forgot all about you. This is Janice.
- I don't know your last name. - Meredith.
Mrs. Dickson Meredith.
- Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Meredith? - Just a floating grass widow.
Floats them and gets them.
Oh, please.
We found her in a little restaurant where we stopped off.
She said she knew Ted and was lonesome, so we brought her along.
Hello, Ted.
Hello, Janice.
Well, she does seem to know you.
HELEN: You know Bill, Jerry.
Oh, hello, Bill.
You know Bill Baldwin.
- I've heard of him. - How are you?
He owns Arkansas and Texas.
No, no, wait. Only Arkansas.
Listen, everybody. Silence in the court, please. I rap for order.
(PLAYS PIANO)
Oh, what a cranium.
I wish to announce on this happy occasion... How's that?
I can't tell yet.
Because of the excellent example set by our young friends here,
I shall, one week from today, go tripping and blushing up the aisle
with a gentleman from Arkansas.
(PLAYING BRIDAL CHORUS ON PIANO)
Nice work, Bill. Congratulations.
- And me, too. - Much obliged.
That's all right.
Well, if we're going anywhere, let's get under way.
I'm sorry, Don, I can't. I'm taking the late train to Chicago.
- Chicago? - Yeah, it's just one of those things.
- Business, you know. - Isn't that a shame?
Jerry's going to be awfully lonesome. You can celebrate without me.
- Take her along. - Why, certainly, I'd be only too glad to.
That's sweet of you.
Anyway, darling, we're all going down to the train to see you off.
- Aren't we, kids? - Sure we are.
- You'll be back for our wedding, Ted? - Well, you bet you. I wouldn't miss it.
Hey, let's do a little celebrating.
Sweetie, out in the refrigerator... Well, you know.
- I got you. - Make it snappy.
Helen, I'm so excited about you getting married.
And me, too. I'm thrilled to death.
(EX CLAIMS)
Oh, don't get excited, it's all right. I'll take them right off.
My Italian blood, she is very excited. I must sing, that's all. I've got to sing.
All right.
(PLAYING HURD Y-GURD Y)
Hurry up, Jerry. Get the pennies. Hurry up, get some more pennies.
Hurry up.
HANK: Hey, what you do...
Ted.
Say, what the deuce did you horn in on this party for?
I wanted to see the woman that stood between us.
Do you realize that this is my wedding anniversary?
It's not decent.
Why haven't I heard from you in a month?
- Conscience. - You're not that old-fashioned, are you?
Now see here, Janice. I was plastered, and you know it.
Oh, but you're not such a sterling character when my arms are around you.
- Be true to me in Chicago? - Cut it out, Janice. Cut it...
(WHISTLING)
A little cramped for room, weren't you?
If I could think as fast as that I might have stayed married.
Think of all the fun you'd have missed.
Ted, you have a train to catch.
- I hadn't forgotten, dear. - Oh, really? Good.
And some guests who are only thirsty. I'm going to dress.
Ah.
- That gal's real opposition. - Well, you're not. Get that straight.
- Ted. - Open that door.
- Now, Ted... - I said open that door.
- Here we are, folks. - The drought's broken.
Tell Jerry to hurry, will you, dear? We haven't much time.
Yes, I'll tell her. She'll be out in a minute.
- Excuse me, Bill. - Okay.
- You ready, Jerry? - Just about.
You know, it's a darn shame I've got to get on that train tonight, isn't it?
Yes, Janice and I will both miss you.
Oh, now see here, Jerry.
How do you like this little pose?
Don't you think it's rather fetching?
- Now, what are you driving at? - Nothing.
Except that Janice seemed to be rather enjoying herself
when I came into the kitchen just now.
(CHUCKLING)
Nonsense.
(WHISTLING)
It was something in the way she looked at you that made me want to kill her.
Am I right, Ted?
(WHISTLING)
Am I right?
You know I won't lie to you.
Oh.
Jerry.
Then...
She has a right to look at you any way she likes?
Now see here, Jerry.
I'm sorry, darling. Of course.
But there's no sense in over-playing it.
There's nothing to it.
Come on. Snap out of it.
It isn't the end of the world, darling.
Why gosh, I don't care a snap of my fingers
for any woman in the world but you.
If I'd killed somebody, you'd go all the way and back again for me.
I'd ask you to try and forgive me if I thought it was the right thing to do.
But that isn't the point.
Darling, you've got to get a broader look at things, that's all.
Well, you're out in the world doing a man's work.
Was that just a lot of talk about a man's point of view?
Please believe, me, darling. It doesn't mean a thing.
Not a thing.
Doesn't make the slightest difference.
Come on, snap out of it. Now, pull yourself together.
Yes, of course. We're...
(CHUCKLES)
We're celebrating our third anniversary, aren't we?
All right, Ted, I won't spoil it.
We'll think another time.
That's fine.
And that, too.
We'll do that another time.
What could've happened to those kids?
Here, cut out the private farewells and come on out here.
Don't you realize that we have a lot of catching up to do?
Jerry's awfully upset, Don.
Yes, I know, about your going to Chicago.
Well, never mind. I'll cheer her up.
There's nothing I like better than taking care of lonesome wives
who talk exclusively about their husbands.
Come, come. A little cheer for the departing host.
Here you are.
Thank you. Here you are, Ted.
- Oh, thanks, old boy. - Not at all.
Oh, sorry to have held up the party.
- Oh, hello. - Oh, there you are.
Here you are, darling.
Thank you, Helen.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bride and groom.
May they never be less happy than they are at this moment.
HELEN: Cheerio. DON: Skoal.
May we never be less happy than we are at this moment.
Why, Jerry!
- What's the idea? - What did you do that for?
Just an old Spanish custom.
- Come on, everybody, let's go. - Get my coat, will you, dear?
Jerry!
HANK: I always did like saying goodbye to husbands.
Well, I guess we'd better be off.
Well, that's all right. Here you are, Ted. Here's your hat and coat.
Now, you're sure you have everything packed?
You've got your pajamas, your toothbrush and everything?
Everything set? Now, hurry up, come on.
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Well, well, come on, hurry up, Jerry.
We've got to get some business.
Hurry up, hurry up. Make it quick. Hurry up. That's it, baby.
- Oh, porter? - Yes, sir.
Porter, how long do we stop at the next station?
Long enough to telephone?
Yes, sir. If you ain't gonna talk to nobody too far.
We're supposed to stop there in about six minutes.
- I see. Thanks. - You're welcome.
DON: Same old plight I've always had with keyholes.
You stick with me and I'll win this one.
I'm going to invent a key for leaping keyholes.
(JERRY CHUCKLES)
- Thanks, Don. - Don't mention it.
- Nice of you to bring me home. - Oh, it's all right, it's all right.
Sorry to be such a nuisance and drag you away.
- Smarty, smarty had a party. - And everybody stayed but smarty, I know.
Yeah. Sure.
(WHISTLING)
What's the matter with you, Jerry?
I'm just trying to hang onto the marvelous latitude of a man's point of view.
But I find I can't do it and rub elbows with Janice.
- What do you mean, Janice? - Oh, don't stall, Don. I know all about it.
Ted told me tonight.
Oh.
(WHISTLING)
And I suppose I'm the last one to find it out.
Listen, how could any man who ever held you in his arms
be serious about Janice?
I know, Don.
It doesn't mean a thing.
Ted told me that.
Not a thing.
Well, how could it?
You're too marvelous. You're a wonderful girl, Jerry.
Thanks, Don.
But nevertheless, I couldn't stand the party.
Oh, it doesn't mean a thing. Janice? Not a thing.
That's funny. Very funny.
(LAUGHING)
Let me in on the joke.
It doesn't mean a thing, not a thing.
What's the matter with me?
Jerry.
I'm sorry. You know, I can't understand it.
Oh, come on now. Pull yourself together.
Please, Don.
Oh, now, darling. It doesn't mean a thing. Not a thing.
Now, now, now. There.
Hello? Hello? Can't you get it?
I know, but keep on trying, will you, please?
This is very important. I've only got a few minutes, you know.
There, there, there, don't you worry your little head about Janice.
Janice, my hat!
Why, you're the grandest girl. You got everything.
Most wonderful girl in the world.
Feel better now.
Thanks for being so sympathetic.
Been awfully sweet, Don.
I guess I'm all right now. You'd better run along like a good fellow.
- Oh, somebody forgot something. - What is it?
- What's that letter? - Which one?
There's only one.
Looks like a "J" when it stops dancing.
"J" for Janice.
I wonder why she left that?
She took everything else.
Oh, I've got to get out of here.
I can't stand it. This place is haunted. Come on, Don.
Okay, where do you wanna go?
Oh, anywhere as long as it isn't here and I'm not alone.
Okay by me.
I got plenty of places to go and lots of things to do.
We'll go all the places and do all the things.
(PHONE RINGING)
(SWING MUSIC PLAYING)
(TROUPE SINGING SWING TUNE)
(WHISTLING)
Jerry?
Oh, Jerry?
(WHISTLING)
Hello, Jerry.
Hello, Ted.
- You'll upset a perfectly good breakfast. - Oh, I'm sorry.
I...
- I brought you something. - Oh, how lovely, Ted.
That's sweet of you.
Well, aren't you going to kiss me?
Well, I love you, so why not?
Where's Hannah?
Oh, she had to go to the dentist.
That tooth that's been bothering her for the last eight years.
Oh, really? That's too bad.
Nice trip?
Oh, no, awful nuisance.
A lot of big dinners, and bald heads and double chins.
You know, stupid.
Too bad.
Oh.
- Smells good. - Oh, this is great, Jerry.
So, why didn't you answer the wires I sent you?
Oh, there was a lot to think about.
And the longer you wait, the more sense you get.
You know, letting things ride the way you did certainly whipped me plenty.
Boy.
You know, I imagined all sorts of receptions when I got home.
- This is great. - You'll spill it.
Well, believe me, I've done all the spilling I want to do.
Yes?
- Anything new? - No.
Oh, Helen and Bill are going to get married today.
Oh, really? I suppose we'll have to go to that.
- I'm best man. - Oh, yeah?
And after the wedding tonight, there's going to be a jamboree.
- A get-together of all their friends. - Thanks.
Oh, gosh. I suppose we'll have to go to that, too.
Well, they'll expect us to.
You know, it was our blissful example that made them do it.
Was there an overtone of sarcasm in that remark, Jerry?
Or am I looking for trouble?
Hmm?
No, Ted. Your cheeriness is amazing.
Well, what do you mean?
You're like a little boy that's stolen some jam,
been spanked, and kissed, and is happy again.
You know, that's just the way I feel.
You know, Jerry, darling,
I was afraid of my life we wouldn't hurdle this.
Gosh, you'll never know what an awful week I've spent without you.
I can't live without you, Jerry.
I never knew how much I loved you.
Darling, please. Now, don't do that.
Well, for heaven's sake, Jerry,
you'll have to make up your mind, you know, one way or the other.
Gosh, I thought you'd already done it.
Ted, let me understand something.
When you say that being unfaithful doesn't mean anything,
you mean just that, don't you?
- Well, what I said was... - Yes.
I remember what you said. "It doesn't mean a thing."
I wish I could cover up things and forget them, Ted.
(PHONE RINGING)
I'll answer that.
Hello.
- Hello, Jerry? - Yes.
This is Don.
I've been trying to get in touch with you ever since...
Well, for the last week.
I understand Ted's getting back in town today.
I realize how you feel
and I sympathize with all your ideas about truth, honesty and ethics.
I want you to give me your word that you won't say anything to Ted.
- Will you do that? - No.
For heaven's sake. Don't you realize it will be all up with you if you tell Ted?
Perhaps.
Well, if you won't consider yourself, will you consider me?
After all, I'm supposed to be his best friend.
And...
Hello? Hello? Don't hang... Hello, Jerry?
Oh, Lawson?
Lawson?
- Yes, sir? - Find out what boats are sailing today.
- Where to, sir? - I don't care, the further the better.
Yes, sir.
What were you saying when the telephone rang?
That I've balanced our accounts.
That's all.
I didn't really intend to, but that's how it is.
I had to tell you.
Don't look at me like that, Ted.
- You don't mean that, Jerry. - I'm telling you the truth.
- Who's the man? - Oh, Ted, don't be conventional.
Who's the man?
I want to see him.
Isn't it a rather good time to remember what you said?
- That it doesn't mean a thing? - Shut up, you!
It can't be true.
Why, I always thought you were the most decent thing in the world.
Can't be true.
Well,
it is.
I'm going to work, Ted. I'm late.
See you tonight.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(BAND PLAYING DANCE MUSIC)
MAN: Great party.
- Hello, Jerry. - Hello, Hank.
- Ted back from Chicago? - Yes.
Is he coming tonight?
I don't know. I haven't seen him since the morning.
What's the idea?
Well, you're a full-fledged married man now.
- You certainly have a fine girl, there. - Sure.
I hope you'll be very happy.
We're bound to be, aren't we, darling?
Say, let me tell you something.
All you have to do to get a free sandwich here,
- is to wish them health and happiness. - This is a private party.
I understand all that.
- Hello, Ted. - Helen.
- I told you they knew me. - Yes, sir.
- Hello, Arkansas. - How are you?
I'm sorry I'm late, Helen.
Husbands should never be late. No, sir.
You never know who's sitting on the bench
waiting to take your place when you fall out of the game.
Oh, don't be silly, Ted. What made you so late?
Well, I...
- This little hand, you hand it over? - Oh, pull yourself together, Ted.
"I weep for you," the walrus cried. "I deeply sympathize."
I bet you haven't had any dinner?
Dinner? No, I don't believe I have.
You better have some food, son.
I haven't seen my wife since she welcomed me home this morning.
Don't worry about her. Have some food first.
- We'll find her later. - No!
I'll find her. I'm all right.
- MAN: Hi, Ted. Where've you been? - Hello. How are you?
MAN 2: What's the matter, Ted?
MAN 3: Hello, Ted.
- Help yourself, son. - Help myself, huh?
All right, I'll take the blonde.
- I beg your pardon? - It's all right.
Ted.
Look at the hero.
Just a fool, that's all.
There isn't a woman in the world worth that.
Love, honor and obey, huh?
Don't make me laugh.
- Ted! - Where's my wife?
- Ted. - Oh, there you are.
Oh, so you're the white-haired boy, huh?
Murderer returns to the scene of his crime.
- Ted, you don't know what you're saying. - Wait a minute!
But I don't know whether you are or not,
but just for luck...
- Ted, stop it. Cut it out! - Let go of me!
I'll go through this crowd like a high wind.
- Ted, pull yourself together! - Get away from me!
BILL: Come here, come here. Get him out!
Does this mean that you're leaving me, Ted?
It's rather apparent, don't you think?
Oh, don't let's make a mess of things like this.
Spoil our happiness.
Happiness?
Don't you think it's a little late to talk about that?
Well, you didn't think of that when...
Oh, I see. You're going to put all the blame on me, huh?
Oh, Ted, no. I didn't mean to say that.
Well, listen, I'm not the first man in the world who's made a...
Oh, Ted.
Don't let's talk about men and women. They do all sorts of things.
We've got to live our own life, dear. There's so much of it ahead.
I'll never do anything you don't like.
I'll never make you sorry, really.
I'll forgive you anything, dear. Can't you please forgive me?
When I try to look ahead without you, why, everything goes black.
I love you, dear. I can't go on without you.
Oh, you'll get along all right. You've made a pretty good beginning.
Oh, Ted, don't.
We both made a horrible mistake but that doesn't mean we can't try again.
Try again? With all our friends laughing at me?
- Laughing at you? - Yes.
Someplace among the people we know, there's a man.
Maybe men, I don't know.
But from now on, I'll wonder which one.
And how many of them are laughing at me?
Well, couldn't I have said that the day you asked me to marry you?
Supposing I had said,
"No, Ted. I'm afraid I may meet the women that you've known."
And why not? I waited for you. You were my first love.
But this is entirely different.
All right, then, but tonight I come back here,
ready to humiliate myself, beg for your forgiveness.
Ready to forgive you anything because I love you.
And you say that's different?
- You tell me your vanity is hurt? - Oh, call it anything you like.
Vanity! I'll never forget that.
Let's not talk anymore about it.
And I thought your heart was breaking like mine.
But instead, you tell me your man's pride can't stand the gaffe.
- Now, wait a minute, Jerry. Listen... - No, I don't want to listen.
I'm glad I discovered there's more than one man in the world
while I'm young and they want me.
Believe me, I'm not missing anything from now on.
I don't doubt it. Once a woman throws down her fences...
Oh, print it on a motto and hang it where Janice can see it.
- Stop that! - Oh, loose women, great,
- but not in the home, eh, Ted? - Cut it, do you hear?
(SCOFFING) The looser they are, the more they get.
The best in the world. No responsibility!
Well, my dear, I'm gonna find out how they do it.
So look for me in the future where the prim roses grow
and pack your man's pride with the rest.
And from now on, you're the only man in the world that my door is closed to.
That is all.
Counsel will prepare the decree.
This decree is interlocutory and becomes final in three months.
Congratulations, my darling, you're free.
You're exactly as you were before you were married.
Exactly.
All I need is a complete set of young illusions
and an innocent expression.
Oh, cheer up. I had a very good time as an ex-wife.
Why shouldn't you?
- All men are fair game. - Yes, but I guess there's only one...
Oh, nonsense. I'll show you a flock of them.
Friends of Bill's. They're as rich as mud.
In a year, you'll have forgotten the color of Ted's hair.
- I hope so. - My dear, I know so.
All right, Helen.
From now on,
I take all the hurdles, see all the scenery and listen to the band play.
Come along.
(BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)
(WHOOPING)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
- Ted. - Yeah?
I just want to wish you a happy New Year.
Thank you. Same to you.
Don't let me keep you from your friend.
JERRY: Oh, I couldn't think of accepting such a valuable gift.
MAN 1: But, my dear, my feeling for you is purely platonic.
Really? I've heard of platonic love,
but I didn't know there was such a thing as platonic jewelry.
MAN 2: My dear, Jerry. You American women are so cold.
JERRY: Are you sure you can tell whether a woman is cold or careful?
(MAN 3 SPEAKING FRENCH)
JERRY: Uh-uh.
I don't understand French,
but I know the symptoms of high blood pressure in any language.
MAN 3: Aw.
By the way, Jerry, I see your husband around quite a lot.
Oh, yeah?
Well, the next time you see him, you tell him I'm still holding my own.
MAN 4: I didn't know you had a husband, Jerry.
I had, but I haven't.
Let's drink to his health, the infernal fool.
When you have grown old, you will be very, very sorry.
Yes, I know.
I shall most likely push back the gray hair, curse at the wrinkles,
and say, "You did not allow the great lvan to make love to you,
"and now look at you."
Jerry, darling, what you need is a great romance.
Oh, one more would be the death of me.
What are you doing in my train, anyway?
International peace conference at Boston.
Stop off a day or so. It might amuse you, eh?
Why not?
Two reasons.
One, I am, after all, a businesswoman
on my way to a convention in Toronto.
And the other reason?
You are much too fascinating.
Jerry, darling, I have madly loved you for a year or so.
What you feel for me is not love. It's the call of the gorilla to its mate.
Funny picture. Ivan swinging through the tree tops.
Oh, am I cramping your style?
- I am serious. - Oh, you mean you're proposing to me?
Jerry, you are too clever to be provincial. Much too clever.
Do I not interest you?
- Possibly. - Tell me the truth.
The truth?
The last thing any man wants to hear from any woman.
That's a lesson I learned from my husband.
And what you learn at your husband's knee,
you never forget.
You shall not amuse yourself with me.
(EX CLAIMS)
(BELL BUZZING)
Only the bell saved me. Come in.
Porter, will you open the window? It seems a bit warm in here.
Yes, ma'am.
- That's all, ma'am? - Yes, that's all. Thank you.
Yes.
Oh.
Why, Paul. Come in here!
Hello, Jerry. How are you?
Oh, it's so long since I've seen you. You should have a long gray beard.
Not at all. I just happen to catch a glimpse of you through the door.
Oh, do you know...
Oh, how do you do? I met you once at the press club.
Yes, of course.
Well, listen, what are you doing up so late and so far from home?
Oh, you are old friends, eh?
Oh, yes, we're very old friends. In fact, I'm the man she should've married.
But that would have been not so fortunate for some of us.
Yes, I'd have been particular about some of her friends.
- I beg your pardon? - Why...
Pardon me. I have so many things to talk over with Paul.
Will you excuse us a few moments, lvan?
Just a few moments?
Mmm-hmm.
(WOMAN EX CLAIMS)
Look here, young man. I've been bumped five times
between New Haven and Springfield and it's got to stop.
Sorry.
Rather dangerous playmate, isn't he?
Oh, well, perhaps that's what makes him amusing.
- Paul, I am so glad to see you. - Then you haven't forgotten me?
Far from it. In fact, I'm trembling like a leaf.
You bring back so much, so suddenly.
You've been trying to forget quite a lot, haven't you, Jerry?
- Who told you that? - Oh, nobody.
I've been around New York most of the time.
Oh.
And heard the echo of my misdeeds as I thundered up and down Broadway?
Why haven't I seen you?
I understand several were killed in the rush.
Well, you don't exactly take the veil when your decree is granted, you know.
- So I understand. - Oh, that sounds disapproving.
What should an ex-wife do? Spend her days doing good deeds?
Going to bed at night with suitable books?
Great Scott, Jerry. I'm not criticizing.
Why, whatever you do, as far as I'm concerned,
is all right, because you do it.
That's sweet of you, Paul.
Where are you bound for?
- Away from New York. - Oh, yeah?
Tomorrow will find me on my boat in some quiet little cove.
No office, no telephone, no neighbors. It's good for the nerves.
You ought to try something like that, Jerry. It'd do you good.
Sounds wonderful.
But not for me. It's too late for that sort of thing.
I've worked too hard and played too hard.
I take my outings in the subway and my exercise in the nightclub.
I belong to the sweet, pure air of 42nd Street and Broadway.
Not you, Jerry. I know better.
Well, don't let's talk about me.
Tell me about Dorothy, Paul.
Well, we're still married.
Oh, just that?
I've heard your name quite often, Jerry.
- From whom? - Dorothy.
Oh, why?
She knows that I loved you, Jerry.
That I always have and always will.
My dear, you don't mean that.
You're not going to tell me that love is anything lasting.
I've tried to forget that.
Forever and a day, Jerry. And after that.
Oh, I've made such a mess of it, Paul. I'm so tired.
Forgive me, Jerry. I didn't mean to upset you.
I'm so tired.
You brought back so much.
Oh, I... I'm so fed up.
I've made such a wreck of things. Such a good for nothing mess.
Well, what is it, dear. What's the matter?
I'm just dizzy. I can't see.
Oh, I'm not going to faint,
but I'm just...
Jerry, take it easy, please.
It's all right, dear. Oh, you mustn't let yourself go this way.
Come on, dear. It's all right.
It's all right, Jerry. You're just worn out, you're tired.
It's all right, Jerry.
It's all right, dear.
I'll see you in the morning.
Oh, listen, old man.
Jerry's pretty tired and she's not feeling well,
but I think she'll sleep.
So if I were you, I wouldn't go back.
You assume some rights, do you not? You are not her guardian.
- No, but you're not going back. - No?
- We shall see. - I mean it.
Oh.
Good old American custom, eh, minding other people's business?
What sentimental slop! You are not protecting an innocent girl.
- She is nothing more... - Why, you...
That's another good old American custom.
- Oh, porter? - Yes?
There's only supposed to be one person in Drawing Room A, isn't there?
- Yes, boss. - Well, see that's how it is. Get me?
I get you.
Did he hurt you, boy?
Go away!
Mmm-mmm!
He's got a kick on him like a Missouri mule.
What are you thinking of?
Oh, how nice it is.
And how much you can shake off with just a little change in environment.
Happy? You look great.
I told you what a couple of weeks would do for you.
- Oh, it's been lovely, Paul. - It's yours for the rest of your life, Jerry.
- With my compliments. - Thank you.
Oh, Jerry,
I have here the confirmation of my appointment to the Far East from my firm.
You like the idea, don't you?
If I can take you. There's nothing anywhere without you.
What about Dorothy?
She'll be much happier, Jerry. Our marriage hasn't meant anything.
She's always bitter and morbid.
Never lets me forget for a minute the accident that disfigured her.
Oh, well, you know.
Poor Dorothy.
It hasn't been easy for you either, has it, dear?
Oh, it's been fair enough, Jerry.
It's just that it hasn't mattered very much, but now things are different.
I have this offer, it's interesting. And most important, I found you.
Dorothy'll give me a divorce.
You and I can be married and... And we'll be happy.
- You think so, Paul? - I'm crazy about you, Jerry.
Always have been.
I believe you. I really do.
They want me to spend five years in Japan.
You know, we can have a beautiful time.
Leave all our mistakes 7,000 miles behind us.
7,000 miles.
It sounds grand.
We deserve a little happiness, don't you think?
I think you do, Paul. I think you deserve anything you can get.
(HANNAH CLEARS THROAT)
Beg pardon. Lunch will be ready in just a minute, Miss Jerry.
Good news, Hannah.
- Nice here, eh? - It's just heaven.
Of course I ain't heard any angels singing, but aside from that...
Well, we've got to eat anyway.
Hey, come on. Don't you know it's 4:00 in the morning?
The night is young and we are practically children.
- Hello, Joe. - How are you?
How about a table for six?
Harry, table for six in the other room.
HARRY: Right this way, please.
I want four specials and two orders of turkey legs.
Oh, here we are. Right here.
Well, isn't New York a wonderful place?
You go to shows and you see legs.
You go to restaurants, and they give you legs.
(LAUGHING)
Don't laugh, Joe. It's a serious matter.
- Don. - Well, this is luck.
Well, you old son of a sea cook. I didn't even know you were in New York.
I've been in Europe for the last few months.
Just got back.
Well, you're doing a lot of that sort of thing, aren't you?
Gee, I'm glad to see you.
Same here. How've you been?
Oh, fine. Lost my job yesterday.
And I'm nursing a pretty, little hangover today.
- Outside of that, I'm great. - That's tough. Anything I can do?
No, thanks. I'll work it out all right.
- Say, it seems ages since I've seen you. - Mmm.
Seen any of the old mob?
Mmm-mmm.
I suppose you heard about Jerry and me?
- Yeah. Too bad. - Oh, well. That's life.
Say, I'd like to get together with you, Don.
- Fine. - How about tomorrow?
Tomorrow? I'm off again tomorrow.
- Canada, for a couple of weeks. - Really?
- When I get back. - Sure, if I'm here.
- Oh, you leaving town? - Yes. New York's bad medicine.
A lot of things I want to forget. I can't seem to do it very well around here.
I know exactly how you feel.
You see, I keep thinking what a sad, little fellow I am,
and brooding over the man that ruined my life.
- What would you do if you found him? - Kill him, I suppose.
Funny, isn't it,
how one girl can be bigger than all the tall buildings?
Well, I'll look you up. When you get settled, let me know.
I may start and never stop.
(CHUCKLES)
That's my specialty. Well, so long.
So long, Don.
She'll be in any minute now, Miss Helen. She knows you're here.
- You going to Japan with them, Hannah? - Oh, sure.
I want to see where the money's gone.
I've gave to foreign missions for the heathen.
How soon are they starting?
Oh, I forget you've been honeymooning so long you don't know anything.
His wife's going to let him loose.
It'll be soon, now. Miss Jerry's gave up her job.
- Really? She's resigned? - Mmm-hmm.
And her firm come right back with an offer of $7,500 a year to go to London.
- They have branches in Europe. - Hooray for Jerry.
Personally, I'd a darn sight rather go to London than to Yokohokohamie.
- Hello there, darling! - Jerry.
Well, globetrotter bride and what have you.
Hello, yourself, you stormy petrel. It's about time I came back.
Gee whiz, but I'm glad to see you.
Say, I've missed you like the dickens, Helen.
You, getting yourself out of one upheaval into another all the time.
Let me take a look at you.
Better be careful, darling. My sea legs are still wobbly.
Now tell me, are you happy?
Yes, sure. Bill's a big shot in his way.
He stands without hitching.
Nice and secure, eh?
Yes, but... That other business.
You know, when you stand at the altar with someone you're wild about
and the organ makes you dizzy and you say,
"This is heaven and we'll last forever."
Of course, that's gone forever.
- I wish you hadn't said that, Helen. - But why?
Well, that brings my leaping mind back to its big news.
Big news?
We ran across Ted.
- Where? - In Paris. Saw quite a lot of him.
What's he doing?
Trying to wreck a fairly good mind and an A-1 body.
Really?
He's doing newspaper work, for the time being.
Of course, it won't last.
Ask about me?
My dear, he hates you so hard, I think he's still mad about you.
Oh, no, he's not.
Making a fool of himself, eh?
Oh, well, you know what Americans do in Paris.
When they meet someone who speaks American and knows Paris.
Ted was taking bets to see how many nights in succession
he could stay drunk without spending a cent for it.
He'd gone six weeks when we started.
You know, Bill's been crazy about him ever since he broke up our wedding party.
It seems in the West where men are so and so,
that, that's considered a pretty good piece of work.
Well, anyhow, I've been busting to tell you.
What a girl.
The lad I divorced is married again, has a baby
and arrives in Wall Street every morning at 9:00.
Helen!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Oh, I guess that's Paul now.
- He'll be delighted to see you, Helen. - I'll be very glad to see him.
Oh.
It's Dorothy, Jerry.
Oh, yes, of course. Come in, Dorothy.
I suppose I should have called you and made a date.
Well, for heaven's sake, Dorothy.
Hello, Helen. I hear you've married again.
Yes, a big cattle and horse man.
Thanks for the tea, darling. I must be going.
Buffalo Bill is waiting.
- I hope I didn't interrupt. - Oh, no, not at all.
We're at the Ritz, dear.
Why don't you come over and have dinner with us?
Sorry, I have a date for dinner.
- Helen! - Hello, Paul.
Hello. Well, Jerry...
If anything happens to your date, dear, come on over.
Thanks.
- Goodbye, Paul, see you later. - Goodbye, Helen.
- Have some tea, Paul, won't you? - No, thanks, Jerry.
Well, Dot, what are you doing here?
I just wanted to see Jerry for a few minutes.
What did you want to say to her?
I guess I was going to ask her not to take you from me.
But I've told you that Jerry has no responsibility in the matter, Dot.
I thought that everything was all settled.
And besides, you said that we...
I know I said I'd set you free.
When you told me, my pride revolted at holding you against your will.
But now that I've had time to think it over, I have no pride, Paul.
Maybe our marriage hasn't meant much,
but there's nothing at all without it.
It does give me an excuse for living, being married to you.
- There isn't anything else. - Wait a minute, Dot.
You know that I'm not planning to desert you.
I've made certain definite arrangements to take care of you.
And that's everything in the world I have for you, my dear.
I have a right to a chance at some kind of personal life, haven't I?
Like anyone else?
Well, how about it, Dot?
Just a minute.
- Can't we talk afterwards? - I'm afraid not.
I'm afraid she's right, Paul.
I couldn't do it. I wouldn't dare expect to be happy.
Please, Paul, it hit me.
It brought back something.
Devastation just like this.
Only I deserved it.
Let me say it, Paul.
She married the man she loved. So did I.
Every woman does, if she can.
But Dorothy is just trying to hang on. I didn't.
I see my way. I see it so clearly now, Paul.
I've never given my word and broken it before, except once.
And that was the promise I made on the altar with all my heart and soul.
Jerry I... This is just a storm.
- I'm terribly sorry. - Oh, please.
You've saved us both from a horrible mistake.
I'm really grateful.
This is right, Paul, and in our hearts we've known it, haven't we?
Marriage is the one thing in the world I thought ought to be perfect.
Nothing else is.
And when mine wasn't, I quit.
I don't know whether Ted could ever give me another chance.
But wherever he is, I'm going to find him
and find out.
Jerry, if Ted doesn't come here,
we'll go over to Zelly's. We may find him there.
We'll wait a while, Hank.
What do you think he'll do when he finds you're in Paris?
Who can tell?
Why, there he is now!
- Is he alone? - HANK: No.
BILL: Quite a party.
HELEN: Jerry, don't you want to talk to him?
- Hank, will you take me over there? - Why, certainly, Jerry.
Ted! Come on, Ted. Come on.
- Ted! - Jerry!
What are you doing here?
Surprised?
Well, I thought when I put the Atlantic Ocean between us,
I wouldn't be seeing you.
You should have found a wider ocean.
Don't you think it would be more Christian if you'd give me a chance to forget you?
Do you still hate me that much, Ted?
Where's your husband?
Oh, he's not far away.
You do keep track of me, don't you?
That's why I left New York, because I couldn't think of anything else.
I'm still a little groggy, Jerry,
but with time out I think I'll be able to finish the game.
You deserve the best in the world, Ted.
There's no one that wishes it for you more than I do.
Sure, I know.
And there's no reason on Earth why we can't still be friends.
No, of course not.
I hope that, that other fellow gives you the break you deserve.
I certainly didn't.
Well, here's everything, Jerry.
And happy New Year.
I'm working in London, Ted.
This is the third time I've been in Paris looking for you.
- For me? - Yes.
Why?
You see, I had to leave New York, too.
Couldn't forget that little church and a lot of other things.
You're the only husband I've ever had and ever want.
It's New Year in a minute, Ted.
All the world gets a new chance.
Don't kid me, Jerry. I'd give my right arm for another chance.
I like that right arm.
How about putting it around me?
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
English - SDH